Monster of Chaos
My Monster of Chaos is a creature made of everything I fear.
It’s not just mess—it’s the absence of order, clarity, and control.
It’s the open suitcase with clothes spilling out.
It’s the messy desk that makes it impossible to start working.
It’s when there’s no clear plan—no schedule, no list, no direction.
It’s when I don’t fully understand the language around me.
That constant uncertainty—it’s what truly frightens me.
This monster is built like a collage, pieced together from things that don’t fit:
Mismatched eyes, uneven lines, and jagged shapes.
Its clothes clash—prints, colors, textures—nothing matches.
Its face is made of chaos.
crumpled money stuffed the wrong way in a wallet.
It’s the nightmare of a perfectionist.
Even its silence speaks disorder.
This monster doesn’t roar—it hums with the background noise of confusion,
like static when you’re between two radio stations.
And yet, giving it a shape, even an ugly one, helps me take back control.
PROMT
Let me list for you now the things that I am really afraid of. You will try to draw, or maybe not even draw, but assemble this monster of disorder, this monster of chaos, like a collage from pieces. I am afraid when there is a mess in the suitcase. I am afraid when there is a mess on the table. I am afraid when there is no understanding and structure of what is, when it is, where to go, what time to go. When there is some kind of creative disorder, when there is a misunderstanding or incomprehension of the language. That is why I feel so uncomfortable when I do not understand every, every word 100%. Let this monster be from some of these uneven pieces, even this will upset me. By and large, I imagine it, I don’t know, big round with even eyes, and even its eyes will be different, from different parts. This is a mess in the car, these are dirty clothes, these are uneven lines, these are incorrectly folded bills in the wallet, that is, all the hell of a perfectionist. This is when your clothes don't match. Maybe we'll even dress this monster in some ridiculous, incongruous clothes. I worry about this too and plan what clothes I'll wear. This is the presence of a huge number of prints, when they also don't match. When a person has a T-shirt of one color, pants of a different color, all painted with something. This also scares me, I don't like it either. That's all for now, but I'm ready to add more details to this collage, so that from these small details we get this incomprehensible monster of chaos.
